The year is 2012. Richie Sambora has some down time while Bon Jovi aren’t touring as excessively over the past two years, so he has an idea. An idea that he thinks is a good one; to record his third solo album – Aftermath Of The Lowdown. The only problem being with this is that it was probably only Richie Sambora who thought this to be a good idea. In fact, it’s a genuine surprise that nobody turned round to him and said “Hey, Richie! Don’t you think you should just take a break? I’m sure Bon Jovi’s Circle tour must have damn near killed you!”
The fact of the matter is that this is nothing more than an extra mark on Sambora’s CV (a sort of job résumé for you Americans!). While artists love to do something different or something they want to do and we have no power to stop them, sometimes it just feels like some sort of ego boost. Sambora kicks things off with the tedious Burn That Candle Down (how very rock n’ roll!) and from then on, things can only begin to get unimaginably worse. Every Road Leads Home To You is a terrible, awful ballad that even someone like Billy Ray Cyrus could probably make a song one hundred times better than it, while Taking A Chance On The Wind does actually go down the Cyrus route with a ridiculously awful country vibe.
If the first three songs weren’t bad enough or hadn’t made you weep, fall to your knees and cry to the heavens asking “WHYYYYYYYY!?” then Nowadays will help you do that. By all means, it’s the most rock n’ roll song by far but Sambora tries to give off a rebellious attitude in the song – his tone of voice, the embarrassing Avril Lavigne-esque guitar playing are horrendous. Weathering The Storm is not worth mentioning (it’s that bad), however at some point the record does have a bright spark in the name of Sugar Daddy. Although a little stupid, Sugar Daddy is catchy even if the chorus is so very cringe worthy and cheesy.
At this point if things weren’t bad enough, you’ll certainly be in for a treat on the next track. The only problem with this treat is that it’s covered in dog shit and no amount of washing or scrubbing it will ever make it seem good. That treat comes in the form of I Will Always Walk Beside you – another crap ballad. Seven Years Gone – another ballad. Really? NEEEEEEEEEEEXT!
If you haven’t already given up listening to the record at this point (or you’ve genuinely enjoyed it), then visit your GP or doctor immediately. There’s something drastically wrong with you. What the fuck is Learning How To Fly With A Broken Wing all about? Does anyone give a fuck anymore? The ambient sounds of You Can Only Get So High last for 6 MINUTES AND 32 FUCKING SECONDS. It’s a shame that this album exists because it’s not like Richie Sambora lacks talent – even the biggest haters of Bon Jovi can’t claim that Sambora is an awful musician or that he isn’t talented in anyway, it’s just that the album lacks inspiration. It’s lazy, uninspired and completely unappealing. It feels like heaven on Earth once World finishes the record.
As long as Richie Sambora had fun creating the record and making the record, that’s all that really matters, right? Surely the world wouldn’t have been upset if he told them all he’d be taking a couple years off or vowed to not make a solo album again. Aftermath Of The Lowdown is just unfathomably bad and after this, it’s probably best that the Bon Jovi axeman decides to have a quite obviously well needed rest. Christ.